Have you noticed your daughter shrugging things off and saying she'd rather stay home, on multiple occasions lately? Even saying no to things you know she really still enjoys?
Maybe mornings have gotten harder, too. A class presentation brings tears. A simple group text sets off days of worry about what to wear, what to say, and who will be watching. You start to wonder whether she's lost her confidence, or whether she just needs a gentle push.
Often, what looks like stubbornness or low motivation is a girl trying to manage a feeling she can't yet put into words.
You're far from alone. In 2025, 43% of high school girls told the CDC they had felt persistently sad or hopeless during the past year, compared with 24% of boys.¹ Sadness and anxiety often show up together. The numbers have improved since 2023, but too many girls are still carrying a heavy load.
Why "no" can feel like relief
When something feels scary, skipping it brings instant relief. The knot in her stomach loosens, her shoulders drop, and her brain takes note: that worked. This is why avoidance is so tempting, and why it tends to grow. The next invitation feels a little harder than the last, and a girl who once dreaded only the party may soon dread anything that puts her in front of other people.
That doesn't mean you should push her into every situation that frightens her. It means getting curious about what the situation feels like to her before you decide what to do.
What she may be carrying
Friendships today don't stop when the school day ends. Group chats, photos, and screenshots mean an awkward moment can follow her home and sit on her phone all night or even worse, sit on other teens phones social media. Add grades, activities, and the constant question of what comes after high school, and it's easy to see why one mistake can feel so enormous.
From the outside, you may see a bright, capable girl with a lot going for her. On the inside, she may be thinking, "What if I mess up?" or "What if everyone can tell I'm nervous?" Both can be true at the same time.
What you can say and do
Most of us want to fix things when our kids are hurting. We tell her nobody is judging her, or that she's overthinking it. Those words come from love, but they can leave her feeling unheard.
Try slowing down instead. You might say, "I've noticed things have felt harder lately. I'd like to understand, even if you can't explain it yet." Then listen, and let the quiet sit. You can tell her you see how hard this is without agreeing that she can't handle it.
Occasional nerves are normal. But if anxiety persists, keeps her from things she once enjoyed, or affects school attendance, friendships, or sleep, additional support may help.
How counseling can help
Teen counseling gives your daughter a place to talk about what's hard to say at the kitchen table. In therapy, I start by listening to your teen, to see how anxiety is playing out in your teen’s life. Then we look together at what triggers her anxiety, the thoughts that make it louder, and the ways avoidance may be shrinking her world. One of the goals in therapy is to have your teen learn practical tools to help her feel more confident in taking small steps towards the things she's been avoiding, at a pace that feels manageable.
If you're worried about your daughter, you don't have to wait for a crisis, more tears or more closed doors. At Positive Therapy Services, I work with teen girls and their families on anxiety, friendships, and the pressures of growing up. A free 15-minute phone consultation is start that offers a chance to share your concerns and see whether counseling might be a good next step.
Source
¹ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026). Youth Health in Focus: Findings From the National Youth Risk Behavior Survey 2015–2025. Mental health and suicide risks: cdc.gov/yrbs/youth-health-in-focus/mental-health.html.
