3 Simple Ways To Encourage More Self Compassion And Decrease Anxiety
Were You Ever Taught to Be Kind to Yourself?
Most of us grow up hearing how important it is to be kind to others. It's practically stitched into the fabric of how we’re raised. But how many of us were ever really taught to be kind to ourselves? For a lot of people, especially those who didn’t experience unconditional love growing up, the idea of self-compassion can feel confusing, almost like trying to learn a new language without a guide.
It’s important to remember self-love isn’t arrogance, and self-compassion isn’t about pretending to be better than anyone else. In fact, true self-love is gentle, honest, and humble. It’s about showing ourselves the same tenderness and forgiveness we’d offer our closest friends or the people we love most. Instead of tearing ourselves down when we make mistakes, we learn to meet ourselves with patience, kindness, and understanding, ultimately this tends to decrease our anxiety.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
Over the past several years, research has made it clear: self-compassion plays a huge role in our emotional and mental health, and can decrease symptoms of anxiety. When we’re kind to ourselves, we build resilience. We begin to separate what we do from who we are, understanding that a bad choice doesn’t make us a bad person.
People who practice self-compassion tend to enjoy deeper relationships, feel less anxious, and aren’t as paralyzed by fear of failure. This is true because self-compassionate people do not place their worth and value in the outcomes of their efforts. They place their worth and value on being human and accepting that we all have flaws that make us uniquely you.
On the flip side, being hard on ourselves often sets the stage for letting others treat us poorly too. When we struggle to see our own worth, it’s easier to get stuck in relationships where that worth isn’t recognized. But when we treat ourselves with compassion, we’re less likely to depend on someone else to "complete" us — because we already feel whole and more at peace with ourselves.
Three Simple Ways to Start Practicing Self-Compassion
1. Love The Child Within Yourself
Think about how you would comfort a small child who made a mistake. You wouldn’t scold them harshly or tell them they’re destined for failure. You’d offer a hug, reassuring words, and encouragement.
Try bringing that same kind of tenderness to yourself. At first, it might feel a little awkward, especially if you’re used to being your own biggest critic. But the more you practice, the more natural it will feel.
2. Mindfulness
Self-criticism often sneaks in when we aren’t even aware of it. Mindfulness helps us catch those critical thoughts before they take root.
When you notice that negative voice piping up, pause. Take a deep breath. Gently shift your attention to something positive about yourself. Maybe it’s a small accomplishment from the day or a quality you appreciate about who you are.
And when those negative thoughts show up (because they will, it’s part of being human), don’t beat yourself up for having them. Acknowledge them, thank them for trying to "help," and then choose to let them go.
3. Embrace Your Imperfections
Self-compassion means giving yourself room to be imperfect. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
We’re all messy, complicated, beautiful beings, and none of us get it right all the time. Accepting that truth lifts a tremendous weight off your shoulders, decreases our anxiety and opens up space for real growth and joy.
Learning to be kind to yourself can change the way you experience life, but it's not always easy to do alone, especially if old habits are deeply ingrained.
If you’re finding it hard to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself, you don't have to figure it out on your own. Counseling for anxiety and building self-compassion can help you change your relationship with yourself and those who matter most to you. I’m here to support you, guide you, and help you reconnect with the kindness you’ve always deserved.
I offer a free 15 minute phone consultation. Feel free to call me at (631) 406-3139 or you can email through my contact page by clicking on “Contact Me” to see if anxiety counseling is right for you.
