Grief and the Holidays: Finding Your Way Through the Season

The holidays have a way of arriving, whether we feel ready for them or not. They don’t pause for the heaviness we’re carrying or wait until we feel strong enough to face the waves of grief that seem more difficult around the holidays. If grief is showing up during this time of year —quietly or loudly—you’re not alone. And if this season feels different than it used to, there is nothing wrong with you. Your loss has changed you, and the meaning and emotions that go with the holiday season have also changed.

One of the things I’ve learned in my work, and in my own life, is that feelings of grief bubble up without any warning. The emotions, memory and tears are unpredicatable. Grief appears exactly when we think we’ve found our footing again. A song in a store, a familiar smell in a kitchen, an empty chair during a family tradition—suddenly the heart reminds us of what mattered, and still matters. Holidays tend to amplify this. They shine light on what we’ve lost, but they also gently point to the love underneath the loss.

Other’s Expectations and Our Reality

Many people tell me they feel like others expect them to “be happy” this time of year, even when their heart is heavy. That pressure alone can feel exhausting. “The most wonderful time of the year” is not most people’s truth. We all want to be happy during the holidays, but when we are grieving, happiness can sometimes feel like a place we used to know but just can’t seem to find, at least not for now. The truth is, there is no requirement to be joyful, and no one earns a gold star for pretending. Your experience, exactly as it is, is valid. And you can not force yourself to feel differently, nor should you.

Some people find comfort in keeping traditions the same, as if maintaining them honors the person who’s gone. Others find that changing even one small ritual helps them breathe a little easier. Both paths are okay. You’re not disrespecting anyone by adjusting traditions to fit your emotional reality. Grief asks us to listen inward, not outward.

Permission For Self

If the holidays feel daunting this year, consider giving yourself permission slips—literal or imagined. Permission to leave an event early. Permission to skip something entirely. Permission to feel moments of warmth or laughter without guilt. Permission to cry when you need to, even if it’s in the middle of a grocery aisle. These are not signs that you’re “not doing well.” They’re signs that you are human, and that the love you carry for your loved one is alive in you.

Something else I witness often: people worry that others have moved on while they haven’t. Yet, grief doesn’t have a schedule. Your grief does not need to match anyone else’s, even if you are grieving the same person. Some years may feel softer, some may hit harder out of nowhere. This doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It just means grief is a companion that visits when it needs to, reminding us of our capacity to love deeply.

It can help to choose something that helps you find meaning for yourself during the season—something grounding. Maybe it’s lighting a candle each night, writing a short memory, stepping outside for a breath of cold air, or simply placing a hand on your heart and acknowledging, “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.” Small rituals can hold us when the larger world feels overwhelming.

If you’re grieving this holiday season, please know that you’re allowed to carry your sorrow and still notice sparks of beauty when they appear. You’re allowed to miss someone fiercely and still create moments of meaning for yourself. And you’re allowed to be exactly as you are—grieving, loving, remembering, surviving.

The holidays don’t require perfection. They ask only for presence. And your presence, even when tender or tearful, is enough. If reading this makes you think that maybe now is a good time to talk with a Grief Therapist to process what you’ve been going through or your just tired of carrying your grief alone, please reach out to me.

I help those who are grieving move forward in life, while holding space for their loved one with more love than pain. I’d love to see how I can help. First step is to Contact Me thru email or call for a free consultation.