“Making Couples Therapy Work: Practical Tips for Real Relationship Growth”
Couples therapy isn’t a magic fix, and it’s not a quick solution. What I’ve seen over the years as a therapist is that real relationship change requires genuine effort, commitment, and willingness from both partners. In my experience working with couples who embrace the process with openness and intention, often find themselves not just healing but deepening their connection in ways they didn’t expect.
Communication improves, feeling heard leads to validation and conflicts are successfully addressed. These are some of the important aspects of therapy that help improve relationship connection, increase positive feelings for each other and more satisfaction with intimacy.
If you’re considering couples therapy or are already in the process, here are some important ways to get the most out of your experience and build a partnership that lasts.
1. Commit to the Process Together
Therapy works best when both people show up ready to be fully engaged. Sometimes couples come in reluctantly, feeling like therapy is a last resort or that one partner is “making” the other go. While this might be true for some couples, the biggest progress happens when both partners choose to be there, not just physically but emotionally.
Commitment means setting aside blame, dropping defensiveness, and agreeing to listen, even when it’s hard. If either person is holding back or waiting to “win,” the door to growth stays closed. Remember, this is a team effort. And if you need help with this, a couples therapist is trained how to help couples work through this.
2. Come with an Open Mind
It’s normal to feel skeptical about therapy, especially if you haven’t tried it before or if past attempts at fixing your relationship haven’t worked. You might wonder if your problems are too big or too unique.
While every relationship is different, many common challenges typically are about communication breakdowns, trust issues, and conflict patterns. Couples therapy can improve these common challenges and lead to increased relationship satisfaction.
Therapy is about learning new skills and perspectives, and that requires you to be willing to try new approaches, even if they feel uncomfortable at first. If you enter with the belief that change is possible, you’ll give yourself the best chance of getting it.
3. Practice What You Learn Outside the Session
Therapy sessions are where the learning happens. But the real work happens outside the office, in your everyday life. A therapist will likely suggest exercises, communication techniques, or reflection questions between sessions.
This “homework” is crucial. Using these tools regularly helps you break old habits and build healthier ways of interacting. Waiting for breakthroughs only during your appointment will stall progress.
It might feel awkward or difficult at first, but practicing what you learn helps create lasting change, even after couples therapy has ended.
4. Be Patient with the Process
Healing in relationship doesn’t follow a straight line. You might experience breakthroughs and progress one week and setbacks the next. This is normal. Change takes time, especially when patterns have been established over years.
Celebrate small wins and stay focused on your shared goals. Remember, therapy is a journey and your commitment to showing up, learning, and growing together will make all the difference.
5. Find the Right Therapist for You
The relationship you have with your therapist matters just as much as the work you do in sessions. It’s okay to interview potential therapists and find someone you both feel comfortable with. Trust, safety, and mutual respect between you and your therapist set the foundation for meaningful progress. And a therapist with a good sense of humor goes a long way in couples therapy.
Final Thoughts
Counseling for couples can be lead to positive changes in your relationship, but only if both partners are willing to do the work. By committing fully, staying open, practicing new skills at home, and being patient with the process, you can build a more resilient and loving partnership. Want to see if this is a good fit for you and your spouse?
I offer a free 15 minute phone consultation to see if we are a good match. To get started, you can call me directly at (631) 406-3139 or click “contact me” so we can set up a time to talk that works for you.
