5 Ways Divorce Counseling Helps Healing After A Marriage Ends

Most people don’t start divorce counseling because they feel ready. They come in because they feel exhausted, confused and sad in ways they didn’t expect, or angry in ways they don’t understand. Divorce is more than a legal ending. It’s an emotional unraveling of the life you were building.

 Here are 5 ways Divorce Counseling can help you heal:

 1. Grief

Regardless of who initiated the divorce, grief will be part of the healing process needed to help you move forward. You may be mourning the partner you hoped they would become, the family structure you had, or the version of yourself who believed that everything always seems to work out. No matter how you’re feeling about your divorce, there are many losses on many levels.

 These losses take time to identify and process. Time to understand. And time to figure out what to do with these emotions to help move you forward in life in a way that feels right to you. Divorce counseling offers a space to sit with all of that, without judgment, pressure, or a timeline.

 2. Isolation

One of the hardest parts of divorce is how isolating it can feel. Friends and family mean well, but their advice often comes too quickly: “You’re better off.” “At least you can move on now,” “Everything happens for a reason.”

 While these statements may be true someday, they rarely help in the middle of the mess. Therapy allows you to slow down and process your experience, instead of being rushed toward acceptance before you’re ready. And counseling for divorce also provides a place where you are free to express yourself without judgement, comments, or cliche statements.

3. Self-Esteem

Self-esteem quietly shapes almost every part of our personal world, from our conversations, parts we share with others, how we handle conflict and the boundaries we set. When relationships are healthy, they tend to feel balanced, respectful and fulfilling. Without boundaries, interactions may feel tense, one-sided or draining.

 By working on self-esteem in counseling, you’re improving your relationship with yourself. And you are also creating healthier, more satisfying connections with others in your life.

 This will also help you feel better supported by others, improve self-esteem with a healthier relationship with yourself, and help you gain a positive perspective on things that are important to you.

4. Identity

Divorce counseling isn’t about discussing every argument you had or deciding who was right or wrong. It’s about understanding what this change means to you.

 Maybe your identity has been wrapped up in being a spouse for years. Or if you have children, you may be struggling with knowing that your children will now have two homes, and seeing your children everyday will change, leaving you to question your identity as a parent.

 As a result of your changing identity, this may leave you questioning your judgment or blaming yourself for staying too long, or leaving too soon.

 These thoughts are common, and they deserve attention. In therapy, we will work together to help you adjust to this new norm and create a new identity that feels right to you. One that will improve the way you see your world and the way you relate to others in it.

 5. Emotional Ups and Downs

Many people are surprised by the emotional rollercoaster divorce has you riding. Especially when you are going through the legal process, meetings with your lawyer, waiting for the next legal meeting between the two of you, and anticipation for the outcome, financially and/or about custody.

One day you feel strong and confident, certain you made the right decision. The next, you’re overwhelmed by loneliness, guilt, or with every detail you need to deal with while going through a divorce. Healing will look different for everyone, especially because there are different outcomes, and each legal detail you are confronting has its own meaning to you.

 Therapy for those who are going through a separation or divorce helps normalize these ups and downs, and teaches you how to ride them, without feeling like something is wrong with you.

 If this sounds like something you are wanting for yourself, I offer a free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how I can help. Call me or click the “contact me” button to get started.