“How Grief Can Lead To Changes In Your Relationships”

Losing someone or something you love, changes the way you see the world. Grief also changes the way you relate to the people in it. When I think of grief, I think of it like waves. Sometimes the waves are not that strong and sometimes they can knock you down unexpectedly.

And people and relationships around you can be like waves too. It’s a wave of grief that sneaks up on you: suddenly the people you counted on before feel distant, the ones you didn’t expect to be there are more supportive, and your relationships just shift.

If you're feeling confused, you're not alone. The grieving process isn't just about saying goodbye to the person who passed, the job lost, or something that will no longer be. It's about everything that changes, including how you connect with the people around you.

Here are some very real, very human ways grief might reshape your relationships - and why that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

1. Your Circle Of Supports May Change

Grief has a strange way of revealing things. Sometimes the people you thought would be there for you during this difficult time, your ride-or-die friends, the ones who knew every detail of your life, just aren’t there the way you thought they would. And someone you hadn’t really connected with, quietly reaches out, says the right thing, or just allows you to talk about your pain.

 It’s okay to be surprised. This doesn’t mean the people who step back don’t care - it can mean several things such as they may not feel comfortable talking about loss, they can be fearful of saying the wrong thing or lack the emotional tools to show up in the way you need right now. Let the unexpected support in. It can be healing in ways you didn’t even know you needed.

2. You Might Feel Hurt And That’s a Valid Feeling

When you're deep in grief, it is very upsetting to realize someone close to you has gone silent. You may find yourself thinking, “How could they not be here when I need them most?” That pain is real, and it’s valid.

But try not to take your focus off your grief by focusing on other’s lack of support. Not everyone knows how to “do grief,” and not everyone has the emotional ability to sit with you when your upset. That doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it may help you protect your heart by understanding that their distance is more of a” them issue,” than it is about you.

3. Some People Will Avoid You Because They’re Avoiding Their Own Pain

The truth is that grief makes everyone uncomfortable. When you lose someone or something you care about, the truth that we all don’t want to experience loss of any kind can be shown by others in ways that are hurtful such as people not calling, not asking how you are doing, less phone calls/texts, silence. Some people just can’t face grief, so they pull away.

 If someone’s absence feels confusing or even hurtful, remind yourself it’s not your job to make them feel better about your pain. Your grief deserves space. You don’t have think about what others are understanding or not, nor try to make others feel more comfortable around you while you grieve.

4. You May Start Finding Connection in Unexpected Places

After a major loss, you join an unofficial “club” that no one wants to be part of, but once you’re in it, you’ll soon learn who has also been touched by grief, and who is comfortable sharing this part of them. You will hear others being able to relate to your loss through their own losses. You might feel a stronger bond with those who’ve experienced grief themselves and are able to share their stories, even if they weren’t close to you before.

 This doesn’t mean you have to let go of your pre-loss relationships, but your support system may change. You start having conversations that feel more real, more present. You learn to cherish people who truly get it, and those connections can feel like lifelines.

 Final Thoughts

Counseling After Loss can help you get the support you need during this difficult time. Grief changes you and because of that, it changes your relationships. That doesn’t mean you’re broken, or that your old friendships are gone forever. It just means that life changes with us. And while that can feel upsetting, it can also lead to new and more meaningful connections with others, that better fit who you are now.

 Give yourself permission to grieve not just the person or thing you lost, but for the person you were before your loss. Be gentle with your expectations of yourself and others, and try not to judge people too harshly. For a free 15 minute phone consultation, I can be reached at (631) 406-3139 or you can click the contact button to get more information on how I can help.