5 Ways You Can Decrease Anxiety
1) Give Yourself Permission To Feel Whatever Emotions You Are Having, Even Anxiety
In the midst of everything, you need to take care of your mental health and well-being. As an individual, your responsibilities and the demands placed on you, continue to change. You may be newly married, just had a baby, raising a family, going through a divorce or maybe you are a parent taking care of your family and elderly parent at the same time. Wherever you are in life’s journey, anxiety is a natural emotion we all feel depending on life events. Even people who look like they have it all together experience anxiety. Did you know that General Anxiety Disorder is the most common diagnosis?
So what have you tried so far? I bet you have tried to “keep it all together on the outside” yet feel so overwhelmed on the inside. I’m sure there are many things that have worked in the past like keeping busy, controlling things in life, maybe tried over-the-counter herbs/supplements, self-help books or magazine articles, Yet you find yourself still running away from anxiety and trying to keep pushing it down. How is that working? If you’re reading this, it probably is not working, at least not for awhile. The problem isn’t your anxiety, it’s what you are doing with your anxiety. Most people have done the same things you’ve tried, and are hoping it will go away soon.
But anxiety won’t go away doing this. It’s like the Hulk. It chases you faster the more you run from it, and it feels like it will crush you. I’m here to tell you to “Stop Running.” Instead, how about allowing yourself to feel your feelings? Yes, this does seem very comfortable, especially when it comes to anxiety. But your anxiety is not trying to hurt you, your mind is trying to tell you something important. So important that it has activated your central nervous system with really strong emotions to catch your attention for you to finally pay attention to it. Wow, isn’t that completely different than what you were thinking?
I recommend, next time you’re feeling anxious, go to a quiet place that feels safe and comfortable for you, and allow yourself to be curious. Curious of “Why is Anxiety here?” “What does it want me to know?” “Be grateful that your anxiety is here to help you, by showing up again” and ask yourself “What is it trying to protect me from?” Pay attention to what comes up. Journaling may be a way that will make this practice a little less weird for you, if it feels odd to “have a conversation with your emotions.”
You will probably realize that your anxiety is tied to something. Maybe something happened that made you angry, but notice that your anger is displaced and held within, instead of the thing that upset you. You may be telling yourself a really scary story, maybe since a certain event happened and it keeps coming up, because it needs to be processed. Or it can be a fear of something that is coming up, like a test, public speaking, a medical appointment, or a meeting with your boss.
If you know what is behind your anxiety, you now have more information than before. This can help you decide what to do next. It is so important to feel all of your feelings, even ones that make all of us feel uncomfortable. Our emotions are designed to help us navigate life, keep you safe and protect you in some sort of way.
2) Embrace Imperfection
True happiness is not about perfection. It’s about accepting life in all of it’s imperfections, and still appreciating and loving yourself through life, just as you are. Yes, even when you are feeling anxiety. Bringing compassion to yourself when you are feeling the most uncomfortable emotions or life experiences, is the best way to go through a life experience and come out on the other end, with peace and more gratitude for being “You.”
I know a lot of people do self-comparisons throughout the day, maybe without even realizing it. Open up your social media and someone posts something you want to have, do, or be. Automatically, you unconsciously make an assessment about yourself, “Not good enough.” That’s crap. You are more than enough, even in your imperfections.
I’ll tell you something about me. I love people and relationships. That’s one of my biggest passions. So I really want my home to represent my passion for my family, friends, and anyone who walks through my door. But sometimes, my home gets messy from a busy schedule of being everywhere but house cleaning. And when I come home, I don’t start thinking my home isn’t good enough because it’s not perfect. When I come home, I feel the comfort, love, appreciation, and safety it has provided me. Even when it is not perfectly put together. I love my home, neat, messy, decorated for the holidays or in the middle of winter.
Now what does this have to do with anxiety and you? You are your own home, wherever you go. You may be messy on the inside, have a pile of “to do’s” in the back of your mind, but you get to decide what you want to think upon. Do you want to think of everything that is not right about yourself, in your own eyes. Or do you want to appreciate who you are, what you have achieved in life, and be grateful for all that you have….friends, family, school, career, goals, and maybe your dog/cat.
You are your own person, and only you can embrace yourself, just as you are. No one is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress and is learning how to navigate life. And even when someone thinks they are in a place where they believe they’ve reached “that place of success,” life has a way of changing things up and we need to learn how to navigate the new change. So, stop comparing yourself to others or your idle self, and embrace yourself, just as you are.
3) Change The Story You Are Telling Yourself
Ever wonder why you’re feeling anxious when everything seems to be going okay in life? Did you ever think about what story is being played over, and over in your head? You can probably quickly identify some of the stories, especially when it comes to your “to-do lists.” But what are the stories your mind is playing in the background?
When you sit for a minute to think about this, does your inner dialogue include stories based on fear, disappointment, overwhelm? Maybe something happened in childhood that left a continuous story that, sometimes gets louder and brings up negative messages of self-identity and fear. When stories continue to play out in our minds, they become and feel more real. Ultimately, we feel like we lose control when they’re playing. And anxiety continues to get louder, and louder.
Did you ever challenge the story you’re telling yourself? For example, you may have a test coming up and maybe the last one didn’t go well for you. So now you find yourself stressed about this current test. You might be putting so much pressure on yourself as you study, not considering other factors such as: maybe you weren’t feeling well the last test, you may not be taking into account all the other exams you did do well on, etc. But you are more than your performance, a current thought, or what you realize.
When you find yourself telling yourself a negative story about yourself, don’t just drop the mic and leave that thought there as though it is true. Fill in the sentence with truth, facts and relatable positive thoughts. For example: “I’m afraid I’m going to fail the test” vs “I’m afraid I’m going to fail the test, but this time I am studying more, I have done well on other exams, I spoke to my teacher about the last exam so I can better understand the new material, and I am doing all I can do.”
4) Talk To Yourself As Though You Are Speaking With Your Best Friend
Most people who are experiencing anxiety are usually very hard on themselves. They put too much pressure to figure it out, and their inner dialogue is usually one that is critical of self, negative about some aspect of themselves, and/or they try to push themselves out of anxiety. Is this how you talk to yourself? If so, you and I both know that this is not working for you. Would you ever say to a close friend who you really care about that they were “fill this in with what you tell yourself about yourself”? I know the answer for most people would be a big “NO.” So then why would you want to continue to talk this way to yourself about yourself?
Next time you are experiencing anxiety, check in with yourself and see how your inner dialogue is going. If you identify that it is negative, critical, or harsh, change your dialogue as though you are talking to your best friend, using words of encouragement. You are doing the best you can in any given circumstance despite experiencing anxiety.
5) Get Out Of Your Head And Go Do Something Fun
The one thing most adults forget is to play. As you have grown up and become an adult with more responsibilities, higher education, work, marriage, kids, etc., you probably have kicked into high gear in getting things done. You have worked on your accomplishments and put your goals first, even if it meant long days and late nights at the computer.
But the more busy you’ve gotten, you probably realize that you’re not doing some of the things that brought you joy, like running, riding a bike outside, getting immersed in nature, etc. Name a thing you loved to do as a kid. Now picture what it would be like to get out there and do it. Even if you physically can’t do it, what could you do that would be close to this fun activity?
When we engage in activities we really enjoyed as a kid, we reconnect with our inner child. And this is where something magical happens. We feel free like we did when we were playing as a child. The best activities to reduce anxiety would be ones that get you moving, especially outside. Some of my favorites are walking in a forest, rebounding, going on a swing, playing my ukulele, SUP boarding, crabbing, and fishing. What are some of yours?
If you’re struggling with anxiety, it may be time to talk with someone who gets it and can help you understand where the anxiety is coming from and what to do when you are feeling anxious. I’d really like to help and hope you contact me for a free 15 minute phone consultation at (631) 406-3139. Let’s work together and get you feeling more like yourself again.
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